Dad’s Hotel

Sitting at the table, the chatterer of voices in the near distance. I look out the window. Down below, my daughter is skating around in the ice rink. She is working on her double Lutz. At least that is at least I think that is the jump. Who am I? I'm just the mom so I don't know all the differences of the jumps. Her sisters would know, but they are not with me right now. She always amazes me with her skating and it brings me as much joy as it does for her. She has been skating for about 8 or 9 years so it is just part of life to spend time at the ice rink.

Earlier this morning I received a call from my dad. He is now in memory care, but he doesn't understand that. He called me and was anxious because he needed me to come take him out of the hotel because they won't let him leave. He says even though they are not getting paid. He needs me to pick him up and take him back to work. Work is assisted living.

My dad's dementia has gotten worse in the past year but especially in the past 6 months. I fought putting him into memory Care. I didn't want him locked up. Finally, one day the staff assisted living called me. My dad had been declining more rapidly and he was wandering outside. They were concerned for his safety. If he wandered out to the busy street he could be hit by a car. Not just that he couldn't even remember how to get back to his room.

The next day I toured the memory care unit. It was so hard! But the staff were just as caring as the ones in assisted living. There was a garden he could go out in and it was small enough that he couldn't go missing. Thinking what was best for my dad. We made the arrangements for him to be moved.

In the beginning he was not happy. He told my sister he was fired from his work. He told me he was demoted. The staff said he had refused his medicine. After a short time though, he seemed happier than before. And I could see that it was a better place for him. And assisted living. They said he was not able to haul a conversation with anybody. But here they understood more about his condition.

That was until today when he wanted me to check him out of the hotel. Sometimes my dad thinks I am 8 years old but it seems today he believes that I am an adult. And can fix fix his situation. He wants to go back to work. And doesn't understand why he can't leave.

While sitting there of the ice rink. My phone rings. It is the physician's assistant. I explained to her about the call from my dad and he was. He has talked about escaping the hotel. She tells me about some medication changes that can be made to help alleviate some of his his anxiety. I also tell her some of the other delusions that has been going on so she can be aware of the progress of his dementia.

As I hang up the phone it occurs to me the parallel of talking to the doctor s when my kids were young and now with my dad's doctors. He needs me now to make these decisions for him just as my kids needed me back then.

As hard of a decision it was to put my dad in a place where he would wouldn't be free to wander too far. I had to think of what was best for him.

As a life coach we look at where we are right now and where we are going. That training of my mindset is helping me deal with what is playing out in my life and with my dad. I cannot go to the past and stay there. I must look to the Future, my dad's future and make the decisions that will get him there in the best way.